Our Story

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James Madison University. Harrisonburg, Virginia. The spring of '09. Obama's in office. Trump is ... somewhere. The kids are wearing shutter shades and making Chuck Norris jokes. People are using Chatroulette for some reason. Vampires are a thing.

Deep in the bowels of Harrison Hall, kids are pitching short film ideas to a class. One student — let's call her "Alex" — pitched an idea about a Charlie Chaplin-esque silent film. Another student who we'll refer to as "Vince" decided that this was the kind of film he would like to work on. After class, the boy approached the girl. In love with the short film idea, or possibly just her face, he asked the girl if she'd like to partner up for the project.

"Of course I would," she said enthusiastically, sounding self-assured but probably weakened by the charming and affable coolness of our humble narrator.

"Cool," replied the boy, shrugging with the unaffected confidence of 10,000 Arthur Fonzarellis. "Sounds good."

In the coming days, the boy and girl spent much time together writing their short film and laughing about how truly wild life was in the year 2009. They learned a lot about one another. The girl learned, probably, that the boy was a great writer and very, very funny. The boy learned that the girl had a boyfriend. The short film — a story about a man getting stood up on a date — received an A+. The spring moved on. The boy moved on. Correspondence between the boy and the girl, like the film they created, was silent.

TEN YEARS PASSED WITH NARY A W- just kidding. The summer of 2009 saw the girl become single and the boy become even more charming and cool than ever before. I mean, really, picture "Rebel Without a Cause" era James Dean but with *two* motorcycles! And more brooding! One sunny afternoon in early autumn, the boy sat in his bedroom on the computer. Probably playing Snood, if we're being honest. Suddenly, a message appeared on the screen. It was the girl!

"Hey stud," she said, or something very similar. "You and me should go steady."

"I'll have to check my ledger," said the boy, referring to a ledger in which he keeps all of his appointments because is so very, very popular and therefore quite busy. It turns out he was free! Pretty much every day, actually.

After the girl wrote her phone number really big in black sharpie on the boy's arm, they began to hang out frequently. And at really cool places too. Like Top Dog. And... whatever the place under Top Dog was called. No, but seriously, really cool places! Like class. You know what, it mostly feels like they just hung out in class. But nevertheless, the love flourished!

By the time the end of the year had arrived, the boy and the girl were truly crazy about each other. But final exams — and the impending long distance relationship approaching at dangerous speed — but mostly, probably just final exams weighed heavily on their hearts and minds. Soon after those exams were completed, the girl moved to South Carolina and the boy found himself in Pittsburgh. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also ruins a bunch of stuff. Like, a lot. And despite our lovestruck character's best efforts, their relationship met its first end.

A few years passed. Hearts grew fonder. Toy Story 3 came out. The girl moved to Pittsburgh, quite hilariously not long after the boy had moved *away* from Pittsburgh. Yet the universe, being as truly annoying as it tends to be, persisted in bringing the two lovebirds together. One very very very very very late evening, like multiple hours after the boy had fallen asleep, he received a phone call out of the blue. It was the girl and she sounded pretty upset. Turns out, some loser (probably lacking in the charm department and not even half as cool as our dear, dear narrator) had broken her heart.

"Not on my watch!" the boy exclaimed, rising out of bed to the sound of blaring trumpets and the steady flapping of an American flag. The boy hopped on a chopper he built himself and returned to Pittsburgh with a plan. He brought with him a bouquet of Peruvian lillies and an abundance of kind words for the girl, leaving them anonymously on her doorstep. Sources say that it was a wonderfully thoughtful gesture and made the girl feel much better, but it didn't quite succeed in making it a good time for the lovers to get back together. You know, the universe and “timing” and all of those other truly unquantifiable measures. Quite annoying!

The next move was just so hopelessly romantic that if it had never occured, it would’ve been necessary to invent. By like Cameron Crowe, probably. Standing on a fire escape in a neighborhood of Pittsburgh ironically called "Friendship," the boy decided that it was very difficult to be just friends, what with the whole "being in love with each other" thing they had muddying the waters. Ultimately, the boy and the girl decided it was best to cut off all communication in attempt to move on with their lives.

The confidence the boy had displayed earlier in our story was becoming more of an ironic punchline. Less Fonzie, more Potsie. Later-seasons Potsie too, when those hacks in the writer’s room reduced him to a underdeveloped, colorless, dull-as-a-jar-of-mayonnaise dimwit. The Garfunkel to Ralph Malph's Simon. How do you make Ralph Malph look like Paul Simon? You add Potsie. Don’t even get me started on the fact that Ralph and Potsie were inexplicably absent in the series finale. Irredeemable! But I digress. All I'm trying to say is these were not happy days for our two lovebirds!

Fast forward four years. The boy and girl met other people. Dated other people. Perhaps prolonged the inevitable with other people. Through a great mystery of the annoying universe, they reconnected one day. How can things end so dramatically but begin again so unassumingly? Because the universe cares not for your plans. I mean, no one plans to make multiple — MULTIPLE — Happy Days references in their love story, but sometimes things just happen. And we should embrace those things!

And with that, the girl decided that the boy was just as witty and handsome as her heart remembered. The boy decided that the girl was probably way too good for him now, considering how close she already was to being too good for him in college. It seems his charming and refined personality had become hardened and cynical. Still, the boy booked a trip to visit the girl in New York City, excited to catch up but certainly not expecting any feelings to remain after all those years apart. And the universe was like, “Oh NOW you’re being all negative and logical? Fine, I’ll throw you a bone.” So one trip became two. And two became three. Pretty soon, after the boy had learned far more about the Megabus than he ever cared to know, the love was found!

The planets aligned. The boy and the girl decided that their time was finally right. The distance between Pittsburgh and New York City was but a buzzing fly, a petty annoyance but an easily beatable foe. The boy decided that maybe he didn't quite measure up to the Fonz, but was probably still appealing in a sort of dorky way - like Richie Cunningham. The girl thought the boy was being optimistic in his assessment and that, if anything, he was more like Chachi because he had a ton of unjustified charisma and wasn't very tall. Think Simba when he was just learning how to roar. Pretty pathetic, right? But cute. You know. As much as a cartoon lion can be.

And now, because the universe was working in their favor for reasons that only the very annoying universe could understand, the boy and girl persisted in seeing one another. Fall became winter. Winter became spring. Yadda, yadda, yadda, she got a ring! At long last, our two lovebirds finally decided to live out their remaining days with one another. And what happy days they shall be. Happy Days, indeed.