{"id":46364,"date":"2017-09-06T03:26:53","date_gmt":"2017-09-06T03:26:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/withjoy.com\/blog\/?p=46364"},"modified":"2024-04-08T09:38:30","modified_gmt":"2024-04-08T16:38:30","slug":"weddingporn-managing-wedding-day-expectations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/withjoy.com\/blog\/weddingporn-managing-wedding-day-expectations\/","title":{"rendered":"#WeddingPorn: Managing Your Wedding Day Expectations"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my work as a sexuality educator, <\/span>I don\u2019t describe pornography<\/span><\/a> as exclusively good or bad. It has its benefits (useful for sparking imagination and erotic inspo, for example). But it also has some less-than-helpful impacts\u2014particularly around our expectations of what sex is \u201csupposed to\u201d be like.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Since porn is, by default, one of the only ways many of us learn what sex looks (and sounds) like, it\u2019s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the sex you have should be similar to how it looks on the screen.<\/span><\/p>\n

But porn isn\u2019t real.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Say it with me! PORN! ISN\u2019T! REAL!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The people you see in porn are actors<\/em>. They are acting. In other words, they are <\/span>faking<\/span><\/i> it!  The positions they twist themselves into are useful for the camera angles, but not necessarily useful for pleasure\u2026 or comfort for that matter! The storylines might be fun but are often unrealistic, just like in rom coms or action flicks.  <\/span><\/p>\n

From almost the moment the engagement ring slips on our finger, we are accosted with bridal mags; we change our Facebook relationship status to \u201cengaged\u201d and the wedding advertisements immediately flood our sidebar and newsfeed; and <\/span>some<\/span><\/i>how \u201cSay Yes to the Dress\u201d binges become more frequent.  <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yet, the fabrication of the porn industry doesn\u2019t make it inherently bad. It serves its purpose. It does, however, mean that we have to consume it with a critical eye. We have to be media literate enough to see through the bullshit. Otherwise you will set yourself up for disappointment by expecting your IRL sex to emulate porn sex.  <\/span><\/p>\n

The same holds true for the wedding industry.  <\/strong><\/p>\n

The images are just about impossible to escape. From almost the moment the engagement ring slips on our finger, we are accosted with bridal mags; we change our Facebook relationship status to \u201cengaged\u201d and the wedding advertisements immediately flood our sidebar and newsfeed; and <\/span>some<\/span><\/i>how \u201cSay Yes to the Dress\u201d binges become more frequent.  <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Consume Responsibly <\/span><\/h2>\n

Just like with sex porn, however, it\u2019s not about placing a \u201cgood or bad\u201d value judgment on the industry. It\u2019s our responsibility to become critical consumers of what we\u2019re seeing.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Be honest with yourself about how much you\u2019re surrounding yourself with wedding porn. The more we consume, the more our brain starts to think that the depictions reflect reality. So consume responsibly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As much as it might look like it, those casual Pinterest photos aren\u2019t just a rando bride posting her dress. Most of the time, they are models participating in styled shoots\u2014just like the porn performers are acting! Indeed, the dress might be gorgeous, but it might not be comfortable. Or might not even be that gorgeous in real life – for that matter – without the extra pins and constant train-fluffers and two-sided tape and Spanx. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a facade. And just like with sex, if you expect your IRL wedding to emulate the wedding porn you\u2019re seeing everywhere, you\u2019re setting yourself up for a huge disappointment.  <\/span><\/p>\n

My suggestions?  <\/span><\/p>\n