Last Updated on July 8, 2025 by Joy Editors
What is a hopeless romantic?
A hopeless romantic believes in sentimental and idealistic views about love, even with experiences or advice that suggest otherwise. These people have a steadfast dedication to grand gestures, soulmates, and fairy-tale endings, whatever their past disappointments or realistic expectations might be. “Hopeless” here means the person can’t be changed, and they knowingly stick to their romantic idealism despite the risks, past failures, or other people’s doubts about true love.
The word “romantic” emerged as a noun dating back to the early 1800s to describe someone with lofty, sentimental, and idealistic views about life and love. Literary magazines and books in the 1920s and 1930s made the phrase “hopeless romantic” popular. It described people who fell in love easily, recklessly, or repeatedly just for love’s sake, even if it seemed unwise.
These romantics see love as life’s ultimate goal and put much emphasis on finding their perfect match. Dreams and fantasies about people they like consume their thoughts. They pour their energy into romantic pursuits with a deep yearning for love and partnership. Bree Jenkins, a dating coach and licensed therapist, says these people “typically wear rose-colored glasses at the time it comes to potential love”.
This idealistic viewpoint makes them see a fantasy version of their partner instead of reality. Their belief in destiny and soulmates runs deep – they’re convinced everyone has a perfect match waiting to be discovered. Even after relationship struggles, they hold onto the dream of creating a loving partnership.
Many hopeless romantics proudly embrace this label, but their approach to relationships has its ups and downs. Their optimistic outlook helps them stay positive and recover quickly from heartbreak because they believe true love waits just around the corner. But this same idealism might blind them to relationship red flags, compatibility issues, or lead them to put partners on unrealistic pedestals.
The hopeless romantic mindset exists on a spectrum rather than being a mental health condition. Movies, novels, and songs that show love as perfect and life-changing often shape this viewpoint.
Signs you might be a hopeless romantic
People can spot hopeless romantics by understanding their key traits. These dreamers show specific patterns in how they approach relationships.
You fall in love quickly
Hopeless romantics form emotional bonds faster than most people, often falling head over heels during the first few dates. They connect quickly because they focus on what could be rather than what is. Their romances start and end faster than usual as they chase the euphoric feelings of new love. Most people take time to develop feelings, but hopeless romantics dive into passionate connections right after meeting someone new.
You idealize your partner
These romantics see their partners through rose-colored glasses, which creates an unrealistic image of perfection. They put their loved ones on pedestals and focus only on their good qualities while turning a blind eye to their flaws. This happens because they project their romantic fantasies onto others instead of seeing them as real people.
You ignore red flags
Hopeless romantics often miss warning signs in their relationships. They might notice red flags but find ways to explain them away. Their minds naturally look for proof that supports their positive first impressions and ignore anything that doesn’t fit. This makes them excuse behavior that others would find troubling.
You daydream about love
Love fantasies take up much space in a hopeless romantic’s mind. They dream about perfect relationships and happy-ever-afters. These dreamers spend hours imagining future love stories, even without a current partner. Many use these daydreams to cope with life’s uncertainties.
You give more than you receive
Relationships often become one-sided when hopeless romantics pour too much into them. They spend too much emotional and physical energy without getting the same in return. This creates feelings of bitterness, anger, and burnout. Many keep giving even after they realize their partner isn’t matching their effort.
You believe in soulmates
The idea of destined partners strongly appeals to hopeless romantics. Research shows 60% of Americans believe in soulmates, with numbers rising to 64% among self-declared hopeless romantics. They believe perfect matches exist and fate brings them together. People who think this way often quit relationships at the first problem instead of working things out.
You get emotionally invested fast
Hopeless romantics jump into deep emotional connections before checking if they’re truly compatible. They invest too much too soon because they focus on possibilities and dream about future scenarios. Their hearts are all in before they understand what their partner wants or feels.
You love romantic media
Stories about perfect love shape how hopeless romantics see relationships. They connect deeply with movies, books, and songs about dramatic love declarations and fairy-tale endings. Watching these stories builds unrealistic relationship expectations. People who consume more romantic content tend to believe more in romantic ideals and might develop unrealistic relationship expectations.
Why being a hopeless romantic can be risky
The enchanting nature of romantic idealism comes with its share of risks. A hopeless romantic’s sentimental outlook can make them vulnerable and affect their emotional health and relationships.
Unrealistic expectations
Love’s idealized view often brings disappointment when real life doesn’t match our dreams. Hopeless romantics build expectations that no real relationship can meet. They put their romantic partners on such a high pedestal that disappointment becomes inevitable. People who believe strongly in destiny beliefs about relationships tend to give up when problems arise instead of solving conflicts. This pattern stops them from learning how to build lasting relationships.
Emotional burnout
The stress of chasing unrealistic romantic dreams often leaves people emotionally drained. Burnout shows up as feeling overwhelmed or irritable around partners. The mental toll becomes heavy when emotional investment doesn’t get returned. Your emotional energy gets depleted from the constant ups and downs that come when reality doesn’t match expectations. This cycle leads to less intimacy and growing frustration as burnout takes hold.
One-sided relationships
Hopeless romantics give too much of themselves, which makes them easy targets in unbalanced relationships. They pour their heart and soul into relationships without getting much back. Some keep trying to win over someone who shows no interest. This imbalance creates anger and exhaustion as time passes.
Overlooking compatibility
Romance can blind people to basic compatibility issues. New love’s excitement can hide differences in values, how people communicate, and what they want from life. These core differences – how conflicts get handled, what each person expects from intimacy, and personal values – shape relationship success. Not seeing these mismatches early leads to problems once the romantic fog lifts.
Image credit: Taylor
How to stay grounded while still believing in love
Specific strategies can help you balance hope with practicality when it comes to romantic idealism. These approaches protect your optimism about love while keeping you safe from the risks that come with unchecked romantic fantasies.
Set healthy boundaries
Relationship boundaries act as vital limits that make each person’s role clear and build a foundation for emotional intimacy. Physical and emotional boundaries show what makes each partner comfortable and how they want others to treat them. People without healthy boundaries often experience stress, anxiety, depression, or end up in potentially abusive relationships. A basic boundary recognizes that you cannot make others happy because true happiness comes from within.
Reflect on your needs
Self-awareness grows when you look at your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This process helps you identify your core values, communication style, and emotional triggers. Such contemplation helps hopeless romantics understand their desires and expectations better and communicate more effectively with potential partners. You learn to see your role in relationship problems instead of blaming others.
Balance fantasy with reality
Romantic “flights of fancy” need a metaphorical “return ticket to reality.” This balance lets you appreciate romantic ideals while accepting relationships’ natural challenges. “Romantic Realism” means understanding that relationship difficulties are normal, not signs of failure. This point of view shows that choosing a partner means finding compatible imperfections rather than seeking perfection.
Date with intention
Clear relationship goals and priorities beyond surface-level traits mark intentional dating. Values, character, and life goal compatibility matter more than idealized fantasies when evaluating potential partners. Being clear about what you want in a relationship early helps prevent heartache and saves time with mismatched connections.
Seek support if needed
Professional guidance equips you with tools to develop realistic views on relationships while keeping hope alive. Therapy helps build self-awareness and healthy decision-making skills, especially when romantic fantasies cloud your judgment. Friends and family can offer grounded advice that balances your romantic tendencies with practical wisdom.
