One of the best parts of attending a wedding is being around a group of happy, smiling people all excited about the same thing. But every wedding, no matter the size, has at least one guest who evidently doesn’t understand that weddings are about the happy couple, not them. We’ve compiled a list of the nine worst wedding guests to keep an eye out for at the next wedding you attend. Do the bride and/or groom a favor and run interference to keep these guests from ruining the wedding – and make sure you don’t find yourself on this list!
So who are the wedding guests every bride and groom fears?
THE BRIDESMAID’S NEW “BOYFRIEND”
Who he is: You love your bridesmaid, but the flavor of the month she insisted on bringing her plus-one is just an overgrown frat brother looking to decimate the open bar.
What to do: Tell the bartender he’s cut off from anymore Irish Car Bombs, and make sure the poor bridesmaid witnesses him hitting on the mother of the groom.
Who she is: The wealthy cousin or childhood rival who just celebrated her first anniversary and can’t stop herself from pointing out how her wedding was bigger, more lavish and more expensive.
What to do: If you can’t ignore her, casually bring up the topic of blood diamonds and tell her that minimalism is the new black.
ANYBODY WHO IGNORES THE “NO CHILDREN” RULE
Who they are: The couple taking turns trying to calm down the single screaming child during the ceremony.
What to do: When the cake gets served, slip the kid an extra slice or four. Let them deal with the ramifications of the sugar high while the couple heads to the honeymoon suite.
THE AMATEUR PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER
Who he is: The dude leaping in front of the professional photographers during the ceremony, wearing a GoPro on his head during the garter toss and carrying around a DSLR with an annoyingly large zoom lens.
What to do: Use your iPhone to casually document what a doofus he is (and share the pictures with Joy). Use filters appropriately.
THE WOOOOOO GIRL
Who she is: Lucite heels, Rated-R miniskirt, and cleavage for days – you literally can’t miss her (and neither can your date).
What to do: Let your grandma give the girl a shawl and tell her to cover up. It’s a wedding, not a nightclub.
THE NOSY NELLIE
Who she is: The older relative who won’t stop asking the poor bride and groom why they aren’t pregnant yet.
What to do: Bring the bride a glass of champagne, preferably filled to the top.
THE WEDDING AUDITOR
Who they are: They aren’t judging, they are just curious about how much every single detail of the wedding cost, and they won’t stop asking about it.
What to do: Send them this fascinating article from Slate that breaks down real trends in wedding costs across the country. Hopefully that will quench their thirst for knowledge.
THE SURPRISE GUESTS
Who they are: The charming couple that didn’t RSVP but shows up wondering why they aren’t in the seating chart.
What to do: Collect their gift (it better be generous) and ask the wedding coordinator to squeeze a couple of folding chairs around a table in the back. That’s why the couple hired him or her anyway!
Who he is: The dude hanging on the bridesmaids who idolizes Owen Wilson from Wedding Crashers, but lacks all style, ability to make conversation and general sense of social decorum.
What to do: Point him in the direction of the nearest divorcé looking to achieve cougar status.