Ask Brittany: Are my bridesmaids telling me the truth?

    One thing I've struggled with during our wedding planning process, and maybe others can relate, is managing my bridesmaids. They are awesome, but almost too nice. Everyone is fine with the decisions I've tried to make, but no one is really stepping up and helping me decide things like bridesmaid dress style, color, shoes, etc. They are all so easy-to-please, which kind of takes a toll of me. I often think "Are they being honest?" "Do they really like this dress?" "So-and-so just got a new job are they going to be able to buy a pair of shoes too?"

    Without downplaying how much of a problem this actually is for you, it’s not the worst problem to have. There are so many details and things to be organized, if you have a great group of girls around you not causing any more headaches, I would appreciate them.

    If I can read in between the lines here, it sounds like you just need help. When swimming through the pool of all the choices and preparations of wedding planning, you can quickly start to feel like you’re drowning—and you’re right in that your bridesmaids are there to help you through it. If everything is a “yes” it can feel like they’re throwing buckets of water into the pool instead of a life saver. I imagine they are trying to be respectful of the fact that this is “your day” and should look how you want it to look. It’s okay to let them know you don’t have it all figured out yet.

    When it comes to the things you really do need help with, make sure you are asking directly.

    I would advise you to really think about what is important. Are you feeling pressure to pick a bridesmaid dress they actually like or one you actually like? Are their dresses all that important to you? I ask because there will be bigger fish to fry. Don’t spin your wheels making sure your bridesmaids mean what they say. If you asked and they said yes, the case is closed. They will have to deal with their own feelings when it’s time to wear the dress if they weren’t being truthful. Another option, if what is really important to you that your girls feel comfortable and beautiful on your day, let them pick their own dresses that are within a certain style or color you choose. This can also help with costs.

    Finally, when it comes to the things you really do need help with, make sure you are asking directly. Try to avoid closed ended questions which will inevitably just end in more yeses. Do you like this dress? Is a closed ended question because you can only respond with a yes or no. Try asking open ended questions that will start a dialogue like, “Ideally, what style dress would you like to wear?” Or, “Is there a color that you hate?” If it comes to it, ask them to throw you a lifesaver when you need it: “Girls, I’m feeling really overwhelmed with _________. Can you give me honest feedback?” Hopefully, a call to action will snap them out of yes mode.






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