Ask Brittany: Should we abstain from sex before the wedding?

    I couldn’t find any reliable data, but couples putting a pause on their sex life a couple weeks before the wedding is not uncommon. Couples typically withhold from sex before the wedding for two reasons: to create passion and desire leading up to the big day or to create a sacred or even spiritual dynamic when consummating a new union. I have also heard of couples engaging in celibacy their entire engagement period, though it’s typically related to some type of religious tradition.

    Having a shared goal that you both are clear about can can help alleviate some of that pressure and create for a successful union.

    Outside of creating a deeper first experience on your wedding night, agreeing to put a pause on sex before the wedding has been reported as being a great relief from wedding planning stress. Sometimes nothing feels better than falling into bed after a long or stressful day, which there will be plenty of in the month leading up to the big day. Not needing to look or feel sexy or focus on pleasing your partner can be a lot of weight lifted from your shoulders.

    Beware! Creating so much anticipation for one night can also make for more stress by creating performance anxiety in you or your partner. Having a shared goal that you both are clear about can can help alleviate some of that pressure and create for a successful union.

    Some people treat sex very casually, while others subscribe deep personal and spiritual meaning. So what has it meant in your relationship so far and are you, perhaps, looking for that to change in your marriage? All are valid points and worth considering, but equally important to talk to your partner about.

    I don’t think stopping intercourse simply because there’s a wedding date makes a lot of sense, but if it’s something you and your partner agree to and see a purpose to then you absolutely should. If you guys have a shared goal, whether that be reconnecting on a spiritual union as man and wife or just spicing it up after taking a break, it will be much more enjoyable if you agree upon it together.

    The good thing is, there isn’t a lot of outside pressure on this issue. What happens in your bedroom is up to you—and no one has to know what’s happening behind closed doors.

    Photo: Montse Monmo

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