A happy, healthy sex life can be a great way to feel more connected to your spouse and maintain a satisfying level of intimacy within a marriage. In my work as a sex and relationship coach, I often encourage couples to prioritize and foster the wellbeing of their sex life in order to increase the quality of their overall relationship.
Nurturing long-lasting sexual satisfaction within a marriage can start well before the wedding day! Having honest conversations about sexual values and expectations is one way to initiate sexual communication with your boo, and making an effort to dedicate time for sexual connection can establish it’s importance as your marriage begins.
Another great way to support a rich sexual connection is to create an environment that enriches the sexual and sensual energy in the space you share with your lover. Contrary to what you may be thinking, this does NOT mean turning your home into a scene straight out of “50 Shades of Grey.” Rather, I mean creating a setting in your living space that promotes feelings of relaxation, playfulness, arousal, curiosity, and passion.
And here’s the best news! You can use your wedding registry to begin to create this sensual AF domicile!
And don’t worry… This list does not include “massage oils and a book on tantra from the wacky aunt” (Wedding Crashers reference, anyone?). All these gifts are so subtly sexy that your guests will have NO idea you’ll be using them to inspire more sexytime.
This may be a no-brainer, but having a bed that would make any high-end hotel envious is a great step in the sexy direction. Think super-soft, silky sheets (personal preference will dictate material, but I’d suggest sampling either high thread count cotton, silk, or satin), supportive and luxurious pillows, and an indulgent mattress or topper. If you imitate the feeling you get in a hotel bed, you’ll also simulate the experience of being on vacation – which usually means more relaxed, a little adventurous, and free from stress. Oh! And definitely go for more than one set of great sheets – so you’re not as worried about having to throw them in the wash post-coitus.
While you may need bright lights on your nightstand for reading or working (although I’d discourage working in the bedroom whenever possible – it conditions your body to be focused and stressed), it may be helpful to have additional lighting that’s a little dimmer and softer as well. Warm bulbs (yellow rather than white) at a lower wattage can not only help your brain and body to wind down and relax but can also mimic the romance and sultriness of candlelight. In addition, most folks are more comfortable getting intimate with duller lighting, so lowering the lights can work in several ways for creating a sensual environment.
All of our senses come into play when it comes to creating a sexual space. Catering to our sense of smell in a way that promotes sensual energy can be done by utilizing particular scents that ignite passion and tranquility. Scents like vanilla, cinnamon, sandalwood, lavender, citrus, and rose are found to be naturally erotic. These scents can be diffused throughout the space using candles, essential oil diffusers, or other air fresheners.
Luxurious bath products:
Research shows that we are more open and receptive to sexual energy when we feel relaxed and at ease. Indulging in bathing routines that feel extravagant and sensual (think spa-like!) can put us in a mindset that feels pampered and uber-comfortable. This can include toiletries like shampoos, body scrubs, lotions, and bath bombs or salts that make us feel more touchable and kissable; appliances that promote relaxation like foot baths and massages; or super fluffy bath towels and – my favorite – a hotel robe!
This one is kind of a cheat, because in order to be super-subtle you’d have to ask for gift cards, but a highly valuable and often under-appreciated wedding gift can be relationship (and yes, sex!) books to increase both your individual knowledge and competency as a couple in sexual and relationship health and wellness. A list of my favorite books can be found here, but you are more than welcome to browse the wide array of relationship titles available.
I promise you can put all of these items on your wedding registry without your grandma even batting an eye… yet all of them can increase the quality of your sex life with your new spouse!
Colby Marie Z is a sex & relationship coach, educator, speaker and blogger based out of Providence, RI. She is a doctoral candidate in human sexuality, an avid (slash obnoxious) football fan, and has been proudly talking about sexual pleasure, confidence, and satisfaction for 10+ years. You can find out more about Colby at sexloveandallthefeels.com, or connect with her on Twitter or Instagram.