Wedding planning is exhausting—and it's no surprise that other tasks and responsibilities fall by the wayside. One in particular? Sexy-time. Colby Marie, sex and relationship expert, is back with some tips on how to maintain intimacy in spite of the busyness of wedding planning.
My wedding planning friends! What does your schedule look like these days?
If I were to take a guess (or if it looks anything like mine), it probably includes a good chunk of time each week for work and/or school, hopefully a decent amount of sleep each night, some social obligations peppered in, and then probably at least a handful of hours each week to cross things of your wedding to-do list.
Between the venue visits, meetings with vendors, time spent pursuing Pinterest for inspiration, follow-up phone calls, and DIY-ing, planning a wedding can take up a significant amount of time on a daily, weekly, and maybe even a monthly basis. Devoting time to completing these tasks is a normal part of the process, but inevitably means that the time you previously spent doing other things needs to be reallocated.
For some brides-to-be, that might mean functioning on less sleep, or politely declining hangout time with friends. Maybe it’s mustering up all the self-restraint in the world to refrain from binge-watching the new season of Transparent! We may forego a gym sesh or two, or let that new book we’ve been dying to read fall to the wayside. With all this shuffling of priorities and readjusting of time, some things are bound to get neglected.
All too often, our sex life is one of them.
Make intimacy purposeful
Especially for women (totally gender-norming and generalizing here, but stay with me…), it’s easy to, er, forget? to prioritize sexy-time when so many other tasks are demanding our attention. And sometimes it can happen so gradually that we barely even notice! Here’s why.…
Many women have what is known as responsive sexual desire. This means that we don’t spontaneously feel driven to be engage in sexual activity (like a lot of men do). Rather, we need something sexually stimulating—a sensual back rub, an erotic story, or deep kissing, for example—before we are “in the mood” for sex. When we’re short on time, it can be difficult if not damn near impossible to find time for these things.
Which is why we need to purposefully, thoughtfully, intentionally make time.
I’m not kidding, friends. Write it in your planner. Schedule a calendar appointment. Set an alarm. Add it to your to-do list!
There are numerous mental and physical benefits of sex (which I won’t list here, but a quick Google search can be helpful if you’re craving more insight), but I’m going to highlight some of the positive relationship outcomes of regular sex with your partner. And no, I’m not just talking about intercourse! So many sexy behaviors and activities can positively impact your relationship—as long as you’re willing to dedicate the time!
How to keep wedding planning sexy
- Couples who have an active sex life report feeling more satisfied in their relationships and tend to be happier overall. Hormones like dopamine are released during sexual activity—even just deep kissing! Dopamine makes us feel happy! If you and your boo are feeling happier, you are more likely to enjoy the wedding planning process and navigate conflict (which are bound to arise during planning) more reasonably.
- Sex is also positively correlated with feelings of closeness and connection between partners. Another hormone that is released during sexual activity is oxytocin, which is linked to feelings of closeness and bonding. Since wedding planning can be stressful, it’s particularly helpful to maintain the “we’re in this as a team” mindset when stressors outside of the relationship can make the process challenging. New and novel experiences can also increase intimacy—so if you’re feeling particularly frisky, feel free to try something new in the bedroom for an added benefit!
- Finally, sex can lower levels of Cortisol—the stress hormone—in our body. Stress management is essential for keeping sane during the planning process. Feel free to add sex to your repertoire of stress management techniques!
So, I encourage you to do everything you can to find at least some time this week for sex. Even if it’s just an hour! It’ll pay off in the end.